Dear Diary
by Meikakuna
Summary: Luka is given a diary by her mother and ends up telling it her biggest secret. Rated T for romance and dark themes. Picture by yui-22 on deviantart.
1. Chapter 1- Luka's Diary

Dear Diary,

I'm… well, my Mum told me to write in this. She said it'll help me release my anger without throwing things. I… I honestly don't know what to write. Should I just write about my school day? It'll be boring, but at least I'll be able to please Mum.

Well, English class sucked. I wasn't concentrating, so Mrs Sotone gave me extra homework. How stupid is that? As if homework's going to stop me from looking at Miku instead of Mrs Sotone. I guess I shouldn't have laughed out loud when Miku gave me a note with a picture of Mrs Sotone as a pig.

Oh Miku, you really need to stop passing funny notes to me. I'm having a hard enough time trying to see your flaws as it is. Ok, um, you're kind of airheaded, I guess, even more airheaded than me. I think you're the one Mrs Sotone should have given extra homework for not paying attention. Other than that, you're practically perfect. Great job, you Mary Sue.

Wait… I'm writing in my diary, not to Miku. Silly me. Well, I've already written so much that I can't be bothered erasing what I've written. Oh well.

Well, if I was writing to Miku, I would ask her why her smiles are smaller than usual. And why does she come to school with scars on her face? What happened? I don't want to pry, but I think that, as her best friend, I deserve to know. I just want to cuddle her and ask her what's wrong.

Don't get the wrong idea! She's just a friend. Just a friend. So why… why do I want to know everything about her? Why do… no, I refuse to say it. I'm not some sort of lusty demon or anything. I just want a hug from her. I already get plenty of hugs from her, but it's not the same.

Okay, Okay, I want a kiss from her. Damn it. Why do I want that? Like I said, she's just a friend, honestly! She just happens to be special to me.

Hell, before I met her, I was only interested in guys. Why the sudden change? Oh, I don't know. What the hell's wrong with me? This is wrong. This is very wrong, but I can't help it.

I wonder what her lips taste like. Does that make me a pervert or something? I'm so confused. I remember when I hugged her once that her hair smelt like chocolate. Do her lips taste like that? It'd be pretty funny if I asked her that outright. Well, it wouldn't be funny at the time. I'd be so embarrassed that I'd stay in my room for weeks.

I know personality's important and all, but daaamn. She's hot. There's no other way to say it. I already wrote about her personality, so I may as well just say it now.

Damn you, Miku. Damn you for being so damn likable that the whole damn world thinks you're the best damn person in the whole damn school. Wow, I need a thesaurus. Damn it. Oh great, I wrote it again!

Okay, Luka, calm down. You're almost as popular as , who am I kidding? I'll never be good enough for Miku. I'm the opposite of her. I'm grouchy, sarcastic and cold to people around me. Well, opposites attract, right? Right?

You know what, Diary? I should confess. I should just get it over and done with, instead of worrying that one day it'll slip out of my mouth at the most inappropriate time. No, that's stupid. Every time is an inappropriate time. When could I possibly tell her how I feel?

Well, I hope you're happy, Mum. I feel a lot better now. I wonder what Mum would say if she found out that her precious daughter is romantically interested in her female best friend. I think she might actually know already. Whenever she asks me how school is, she gives me a knowing look. I don't tell her, of course. I don't tell her anything anymore. She's taken me to a psychologist, but even then I don't tell anyone anything.

Maybe that's the reason Miku's smiles falter slightly when she sees me. She's probably sick of me being so cold to everyone. To be honest, I'm sick of pushing everyone away too. Most people have given up on me; my friends, my teachers, my psychologist and even my own dad.

Mum hasn't given up yet, though. She honestly thinks she can stop my random bursts and temper tantrums. Wow, I'm just like a five year old. I know I already asked myself this, but what's wrong with me?

I'm sick of trying to find the answers to everything. I give up. No, really. I have officially given up on all questions but one- How can I tell Miku how I feel?

Yours sincerely,

Megurine Luka


	2. Chapter 2- Miku's Diary

Dear Diary,

I hope no one finds you, especially my parents. I don't want any more scars on my face. I've already told you about Luka. Remember? Well, in case you've forgotten, I have a crush, a huge crush, on Luka. I don't know why, but I just do. I didn't know what to think of her at first but, while her need to say everything in a sarcastic voice can be a tad tedious, I 've managed to fall in love with her. She's so cute when she acts all flustered.

Where was I again? Oh yeah. The most amazing, tremendous, unbelievable thing happened today. Do you want to hear about it? If you don't, too bad, because I'm going to tell you anyway.

So, I was on the top of the school, eating lunch with Luka. No one else was there today, so we got to enjoy lunch quietly. Anyway, I was talking to her about a cute romantic comedy I saw. I told her about how a shy character named Kaito finally confessed to a popular girl named Meiko at the end of the movie. It was the most romantic thing I'd ever heard. The man who played Kaito was a really good actor.

Okay, back on topic. I was telling Luka this when she asked me if I wanted to confess to someone. I almost choked on my curry. I kept opening my mouth and closing it, trying to admit that I like her so much.

So what did I do? I asked her the same question, of course. She blushed and looked down at her lunch. I think I remember that she had rice balls and broiled salmon for lunch.

God, I really need to stay on topic. So anyway, she told me that she had a crush on her best friend and didn't want to ruin her friendship. I asked her who it was, causing her to gulp.

She looked me in the eyes. Her eyes are really beautiful because they shine like blue topazes. She utters one word. It's a small word, but it manages to hold so much meaning that I feel like I can write an essay about it.

"You." That's it. I smiled and put my hand on her hand, my heart beating a thousand times per second. My face heated up and, before I knew it, my lips were on hers. The kiss was short but sweet.

After a few seconds of looking at each other's eyes, we kissed again. This kiss was longer and more passionate. Thinking back on it, I'm glad no one else was there to see us.

I was surprised that her lips tasted like strawberries. I thought for sure that she'd taste like fish, but no, her lips tasted delicious. Does thinking that make me a pervert?

The bell rang after that. I finally asked her to be my girlfriend. She nodded, her smile growing bigger. Phew, I managed to tell my story without getting too distracted. That's a first.

I wonder what my parents would think if they found out about today. I wonder if Daddy would give me more scars. I wonder a lot of things, really, like why I still call Dad 'Daddy' despite being a grown woman.

I'm sick of the way Daddy treats Mummy. I hate it when he calls her a cow, or when he tries to make up for hurting her with a gift. If only I had a hundred yen for every time he buys her a present. Oh well. At least he hasn't hurt her in a while. That has to count for something, right?

No, instead he goes after me. What did I do to deserve this? I haven't told Luka about it. Not yet, anyway. I wonder how she'd react. Would she be disgusted? Would she blame it on me? Needless to say, I certainly don't want that to happen.

I wonder if Mummy knows that Daddy is picking on me now instead of her. She'd have to know, right?

I've been thinking of running away and living with Luka instead of my poisonous family. Then again, I doubt I'll be able to escape.

Wow, now I feel really upset. My happy day's just been ruined. Or has it? Love can't be ruined so easily. Not the kind of love I have for Luka.

Actually, I've just decided to live with Luka. Maybe I can get Mummy to come with me. Luka's house is pretty big, so I'm sure she can accommodate us, if only for a little while.

Okay, tonight will be the night I do it. It's now or never. Oh god, I can't even begin to describe the nervousness I'm feeling right now. Come on, Miku. You're just one phone call to Luka from being free from Daddy. Just call her already.

Goodbye, Diary. It may be some time before I can write in you. I wonder if Luka thinks of her diary as a person too.

From Hatsune Miku


	3. Chapter 3- Luka's Diary 2

Dear Diary,

I can't believe what just happened. Miku's now living with me! It took Mum a lot of convincing, but eventually she allowed Miku and her Mum to stay for a while. Miku's mother Aiko promised that she'll get a job and buy her own house as soon as she can.

I wonder if Aiko knows about Miku's relationship with me. Our relationship has been kept under wraps for the most part, but sometimes we sneak glances at each other and, when no one else is looking, we hold hands. It's not very romantic, I know. Ah well.

Mum was pretty accepting of me when I told her about my relationship with Miku. She gave me a hug and thanked me for telling her. Oh Mum, I'm going to have to add you to my list of Mary Sues I'm lucky enough to know.

Okay, maybe I'm exaggerating. Then again, despite all their flaws, Miku and Mum are perfect to me. Wow, that was overly mushy.

Well, I hope that one day Miku and I can hold hands in public. I know it's not much, but it would mean so, so much to me.

So anyway, Miku asked if she could stay at my place during lunch. She explained her situation with her father. I remember how sore my eyes felt after they widened to an almost inhuman size. Seriously. I was that surprised. I had no idea… I wish I could have helped her sooner.

That was the understatement of the century. I feel so guilty for not knowing about how Miku's father treated her. I have to constantly remind myself that it wasn't my fault. It's not my fault. It's not my fault!

At times like this I would usually throw something. I guess this diary changed me for the better. Or maybe it was Miku who changed me. I have no idea.

What I do know is that I want to punch Miku's dad in the face. I know it's wrong to think that, but it's the truth.

Oh, and today I asked Miku why she likes me. I'm sorry but I desperately needed an ego boost. Stop judging me, Diary! You're not supposed to do that. You're supposed to listen to my troubles without passing judgement.

Oh god, I'm going insane. Okay, what was I writing aboutagain? Oh yeah, asking Miku what she likes about me. Miku blushed and didn't answer for a few seconds, but eventually she told me that she thinks I'm cute. I have no idea why she thinks such a thing, but I didn't ask any more questions.

How on earth am I cute? For one thing I'm tall. Last time I checked, tall people aren't considered "cute". And my voice is really mature and stuff. Miku's voice is much cuter than mine. So is her laugh. And her face. And her eyes.

Okay, everything about her is cute. Seriously, how is she post-pubescent with that voice of hers? I wonder if it wouldbe rude to ask her that. She's already self-conscious about being shorter than me. Our height difference admittedly makes our secret kisses slightly awkward, but I think I'm getting used to it.

Sometimes I worry that, despite Miku calling me "cute", she'll leave me for someone else. I know that upperclassman Gakupo likes her. So does Len, for that matter. I wish I could tell them to back off because Miku's mine, but that would require me to be open about my relationship with Miku.

So, you're probably wondering why I want to keep our relationship a secret, don't you, Diary? Well, gay students don't do well in school. They usually leave high school from being bullied so damn much.

For example, after Haku from my class came out, she was hurt so much by Neru and her friends that she… I don't think I should write it. You really want to know? Fine. She… she committed suicide. I remember when the news announced her death. Apparently she was having alcohol problems too.

I honestly felt sick when I heard the story on the news, not because I can't handle such dark topics but because the news only cared about her after she died. How sick is that?

Okay, I really need to ask Miku if she's alright. What would I do if she did what Haku did? No, Diary, I'm not crying. Okay, fine. I'm crying. Happy now?

Great, now I'm so damn depressed that I feel an instant hankering for hot cocoa. Mum says that I should watch my weight so I don't become like her, but I can't help but desire chocolate whenever I'm sad. I wonder if I have a problem. Aside from the whole anger management thing, of course.

I should probably stop writing and start talking to Miku. I want to hear the story about how she bravely escaped from her father. It sounds like something out of some melodramatic book, doesn't it?

Okay, bye for now, Diary.

From Luka


	4. Chapter 4- Neru's Diary

Dear Diary,

What have I done? Haku's dead and it's all my fault! If only I wasn't so stupid… I should have stopped picking on her. Then again, how else was I supposed to hide it?

If anyone steals my diary, they'll probably wonder what I'm talking about. I… no, I absolutely refuse to say it. You're going to have to deal with not knowing, you diary stealer!

Fine, fine. No, I won't say it. It's too embarrassing. Besides, it doesn't matter anymore. There's no way Haku can come back to life.

I wish I was someone stronger, someone braver. Maybe then I'd stop being a hazard to everyone around me. I also wish I wasn't so damn useless.

Haku was… the most amazing person I've ever met. She didn't smile often, but when she did her smile would light up the entire room. When she smiled her eyes almost sparkled. How on earth could they do that? I've never met anyone so kind, even to people she clearly hated. You know, like me.

Her smiles stopped about two months before she killed herself, yet I kept taunting her every day. I wish I could blame my behaviour on Rin and Ritsu, who started bullying Haku before me.

I know why Ritsu started being such an asshole to everyone around him. At least, I think I do. I think he was compensating for the fact that he's the kind of kid who gets bullied at VocaUta High. He acts so tough that no one dares pick on him, but if he wasn't so menacing he'd be a victim.

You see, he's kinda… effeminate, to say the least. Sometimes he even wears the female uniform. I have no idea why he does this but I think he lives in fear. He seems to have no choice but to bully, or maybe that's just me.

Rin, on the other hand, is clearly just short of being a psychopath. Or sadist, whichever one works. I stopped hanging out with her last week, but she doesn't seem to care at all. Then again, what kind of person misses me?

So that leaves me. Why did I hurt someone as beautiful as Haku so much? Well, it's complicated, or maybe I'm just making it more complicated than it needs to be.

I guess I wanted to stop myself from being bullied. It's selfish, I know. I knew that if I showed any affection towards her that I'd become an outcast. She was already the target of name calling, but I just made things worse. It was really hard to be mean to her, but luckily no one seemed to notice my feelings for her.

There, I said it. Happy now, diary thief? I bet you're chuckling as you read this. No matter. It's far too late to confess to Haku anyway.

Oh, Haku, why can't you come back? Why couldn't it have been me who committed suicide instead of you?

Sometimes I wish I was the one who was dead. Is that wrong? Probably. Ugh. I wish I could do something to stop these thoughts, but nothing seems to work.

I'm not going to tell my parents about how I feel because then they might ask me why. I don't think I've ever felt so alone, but I have to figure things out by myself. I've got to be strong, I guess.

The most important thing I have to do is hide the fact that I'm a lesbian from my parents. They're not exactly the most accepting parents. Mum used to keep trying to force femininity on me so that I'd grow up straight. It's stupid, I know. If it weren't for her, I would never have touched a sewing machine.

I can't imagine what would happen if my brother Nero was to ever find out about me being gay. Would he laugh or would he be worried? He was raised to be macho by Dad despite being as thin as a stick, so he's also had… what's the word again? Heteronormativity? I remember Haku mentioning itthat one time she tried to stand up for herself. Anyway, he's had heteronormativity shoved down his throat.

Or perhaps I'm not actually a lesbian. Maybe Haku was so special that she convinced me that I am. I've never had feelings for anyone else before, so maybe I'm… I don't know… bisexual and haven't met the right guy yet? Maybe. I just hope that I'll meet a guy who I can go out with. That should keep my parents happy.

I wonder if I'll ever get over Haku. I know I have to someday but something tells me that I'll be depressed and lonely for the rest of my life. Am I being too melodramatic? I hope so.

Neru, Haku's not coming back. You're never going to know the taste of her lips or the warmth of her hugs. She hated you, so even if she was alive she never would have loved you.

Oh God, now I'm crying. What the hell is wrong with me? I'm almost an adult now. I shouldn't cry at such stupid things. Bad Neru!

Well, I should probably take a break from writing in this diary. If I write into this too often I'm going to become very bad at hiding my emotions.

From Akita Neru


	5. Chapter 5- Miku's Diary 2

Dear Diary,

The strangest thing happened tonight. I was walking to the convenience store when I saw Neru from my school standing on a bridge, looking at the water below. She looked really sad so I walked up to her and asked her what's wrong.

She looked at me with teary eyes. "It's none of your business!" she yelled. I told her that I was just trying to be nice, but she turned her head around and looked back at the water below us. The water looked really dark and ominous and stuff. I wonder if anybody bothered to clean it.

Miku, you need to stay on topic or Diary will get bored. I really need to get it together but I don't know how. So anyway, Neru was silent for a few moments before she finally said something.

"I… I tried to be strong, but it's just too hard."

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"It doesn't matter to you."

"But you're clearly upset and I want to help you."

"There's nothing you can do to bring Haku back!"

My eyes widened. "Haku? You mean Haku from school? Is she the reason you're trying to commit suicide?"

"I-I'm not trying to commit suicide! I… I'm just admiring the water."

I raised an eyebrow. "I know you're lying. So, um, why does Haku make you want to die?"

"I'm not telling you!" I put my hand on her shoulder, which for some reason caused her shoulders to relax and her cheeks to turn red. "Fine. You better not tell anyone, though. Can you keep a secret?"

"Of course I can. I'm a very trustworthy person."

"Whatever. Look, I… I kinda… liked Haku, but… I liked her as more than a friend."

"That's no reason to commit suicide."

"I already told you I wasn't-"

"I think you should seek help. I hope I don't sound condescending or anything, but I think you need it."

"I don't need anyone else's help."

"It's okay to admit that you need help. No healthy person commits suicide." I know it was brash of me, but I gave Neru a hug. She needed it, right? When I broke the hug, I noticed that her face became even redder than before. Why is that?

"Th-thanks. I think I'll go home now."

Now, Diary, you may be wondering how I remember each sentence of our conversation word for word. Well, I happen to have a really good memory. My parents both have good memory too.

Anyway, I hope Neru gets better soon. I remember how her eyes made her look unhinged. They almost scared me. Ah well. At least she didn't do something stupid. Yet.

I hate to admit it but I'm glad I saw Neru tonight. How else was I supposed to find out that there's another lesbian at VocaUta High? Great, now I feel bad for being happy after talking with a depressed person.

I wonder how Luka feels about liking girls. I know that her mum knows, but we haven't really talked about it. Should we talk about it or doesn't it matter?

Maybe I should come out to Mummy. I almost forgot about telling her, so maybe my memory isn't as good as I thought it was. Then again, I'm a bit of a scatterbrain, or maybe I'm only good at remembering past events rather than plans for future events. Does that make sense?

For one thing, I'm terribly disorganised. Seriously, I can't even count the number of times I've gotten into trouble for handing work in late at school.

Wow, I already gotten completely off topic. So anyway, I think I'll come out to Mummy. I won't do it alone, of course. I hope Luka's willing to sit by me when I do it.

Okay, I have to write about something that's been bugging me ever since Mummy and I left Daddy. Sometimes I worry about Daddy. I feel bad for leaving him instead of trying to get him help.

Is it wrong to think this? I should hate him but for some reason I can't. I just can't. It's sad, I know. Maybe I haven't truly broken free from him or something. Or maybe I'm just overthinking this.

Well, I hope I find answers to my worries soon. From Hatsune Miku.


	6. Chapter 6- Luka's Diary 3

Dear Diary,

I've never felt so sorry for Miku in my life. Today she asked me to sit next to her when she came out to Aiko. We sat down on the couch. Aiko sat on a chair next to us, so Miku and I had to sit at an angle to face her. I can't quite remember exactly what was said, so bear with me.

Aiko asked Miku what she wanted to talk about. Miku stood up and took a deep breath. She explained that she and I are in a relationship. She apologised to Aiko for some reason.

The next thing that happened shocked me. Aiko suddenly stood up and slapped Miku's cheek. Miku stood there for a few seconds before touching her cheek. Aiko burst into tears.

"I'm sorry… I don't know what came over me," she said quietly. "I had no idea that you were…" Miku hugged Aiko and cried with her. "You can't just say things like that."

Miku apologised again and explained that she can't change. "I love Luka and that's that," she told Aiko. I have to admit that her words made me smile despite the situation she was in.

Miku sat down and let me put my arm around her shoulders. She blushed and looked at me with a small smile. I desperately wanted to kiss her, but I knew that it wasn't the most appropriate time to do so.

Aiko wiped her eyes and walked out of the room. Miku continued crying, this time on my shoulder. I gave her the strongest hug I could muster.

So that's what happened. Damn you, Aiko. Damn you for being the worst damn mother Miku could ever have. Maybe I'm over exaggerating. I guess I still need a thesaurus, but then again, what other word is there for "damn"? I'll have to look it up.

Anyway, I can't help but feel relieved. Why? Well, she said that she was a lesbian. That means that she won't leave me for Gakupo or Len. Then again, what if she leaves me for a girl? Some of the girls in our class are better looking than me, or maybe that's just me.

God, what's wrong with me? I should trust Miku, but I keep feeling like jealousy is nagging at me. Well, I guess that makes sense given my fairly low self-esteem. Okay, I know that's no excuse, but whatever.

Ugh. Now I want to throw something. Maybe I should just throw a pillow or something so I don't break anything. Okay, here goes. Well, that didn't work. Maybe my phone will work better.

No, Luka, don't throw that! What's wrong with me? I'm becoming sick of asking that question. My new psychologist told me to get a hobby so that I can release my anger, but I don't know what to do. Well, I've always wanted to learn a musical instrument, but I hear lessons are expensive. Besides, I can't afford an instrument with my pocket money.

Now that I think of it, Miku's a really good singer. I know this because we have to sing in Music Class a lot. I wonder if she can teach me how to sing. Maybe that can be my new hobby. Great!

I wonder how Miku's doing. I remember when she told me that she sneaked out of her house with Aiko, who drove them to my house. Before she told me this I assumed that she confronted her father. Thinking this makes me feel terrible, but the truth sounds much less brave to me. Oh well. At least she's safe for now.

You know, I wonder what's worse- having an abusive father or having an absent father? Sometimes I can't help but blame my absent father for my problems and Miku seems fine despite having been raised in an abusive household, but surely her situation was worse than mine is, right?

What would happen if our situations were reversed? I doubt I'd be able to survive, or maybe I would punch my father rather than sneak out of the house. Oh god, I can imagine what would happen if I dared to do something like that.

Anyway, I wonder if she needs to see a psychologist as well. Apparently people from abusive households have loads of problems, but Miku seems healthy somehow. Maybe she's too wonderful to have such problems, or maybe she's hiding her problems from everyone else. Needless to say, I hope it's the former.

I wonder if it would be rude of me to ask her if she has psychological problems. Then again, she already knows how much I care about her, so maybe such a question wouldn't feel out of place. I don't know.

Miku does seem to be keeping a secret from me, or maybe that's just me. It's as if she's thinking about something that she hasn't talked to me about yet. I wish she'd be open and honest with me.

So yeah, this diary entry was kinda… I think the word for it is cathartic. I only hope my worries will soon cease to exist.

Yours sincerely,

Luka


	7. Chapter 7- Neru's Diary 2

Dear Diary,

For the first time I actually acknowledged Miku's existence at school today. I just said hi, but apparently that's enough to make Miku smile. I have to admit I love her smile. Is it weird that it reminds me of Haku's smile?

Anyway, I've decided to get help. I told Mum that I've been feeling kinda depressed lately, so she told me that she'll try to find a psychologist for me. She did ask me why I've been feeling down, but I didn't answer her. I guess I could have lied to her, but thanks to Miku I now know that I'm a bad liar.

Ah, Miku. If it weren't for her I'd probably be dead. I'm not sure whether I should hate the feeling of owing someone my life or be grateful that I'm still alive.

Rin's still ignoring me, and so is Ritsu. I feel kinda lonely but I know I'm better off without them. I wonder how Ritsu feels about my betrayal. Well, at least he's got Rin.

Is it just me or is Miku going out with Luka? They haven't said anything outright, but I think I overheard them talking about living together. No, I wasn't eavesdropping. I swear I wasn't!

For some reason the thought of Miku and Luka being together makes me angry, so angry that I want to push Luka to the ground. I wonder why that is. It's not what you think, diary stealer! I barely even know Miku.

I hope I can be friends with her. Hopefully Luka won't try to push me away from Miku. She always seems to get mad when anyone so much as talks to Miku. Seriously, what's her problem? All I did was say hello and suddenly she glared at me and guided Miku away from me.

I know I don't know Miku very well, but I think she deserves someone better than Luka. I don't know who she should be with, but anyone is better than Luka. Maybe… no, I'm still not over Haku. It's only been a month since Haku's death.

I do want to get to know Miku, though. Maybe we could hang out sometime, if Luka allows us to. I want to know what her interests are and what she does in her spare time. I also want to know how her hair manages to be so shiny. Seriously, what shampoo does she use?

Okay, maybe that last question is too personal, but that's beside the point. I can't believe one person's managed to have such an effect on me. It's strange, I know.

Maybe I should come out to Mum. Maybe I could change her mind about homosexuality. No, that's a stupid, overly optimistic idea. I need to be smart if I don't want to get kicked out.

I have a feeling that Mum will assume that me being gay is just a part of my psychological issues if I come out to her. I don't know if that's reassuring or not.

I wish I was brave enough to come out to her, but I'm still the weakest person I know. Damn it. I'm probably even weaker than Haku was.

Okay, that came out wrong. Haku was strong enough to live as long as she did. That's got to count for something, right? She was strong enough to smile for as long as she did. If I was bullied for five months straight I wouldn't be able to smile at all for three months like she did. After three months, Haku's rare smiles became non-existent.

I remember when Haku first started being bullied. Ritsu and Rin were new students who became friends quickly. They both seemed cool, so I started hanging out with them. They both thought that Haku was a weakling and a loser because she had no friends. They also hated the fact that she was gay for some reason. Now that I think about it, Haku was a pretty easy target.

It started with simple name calling and encouraging people to stay away from her. Then Rin started pulling pranks on her, like stealing her shoes and attaching a piece of paper with the word 'stupid' on her back.

After about a month of this, Rin and Ritsu told me that I had to start pranking Haku or they wouldn't be friends with me anymore. God, I'm the most selfish person ever. What kind of person values friendships with terrible people over people they're in love with? Me, I guess.

Haku didn't seem too upset about being bullied until I began to join in. I remember calling her a 'dyke' and a 'bitch'. I learned those words after looking up insults from around the world. I was desperate to fit in, okay? I don't think Haku understood what the words meant, but they still hurt her nonetheless.

I also remember telling her to die. Rin and Ritsu laughed when I said this. What came over me? Well, saying what I said made me feel strong and powerful for once. I felt great for about ten seconds before guilt washed over me. I didn't admit the fact that I felt guilty, of course, but I stopped talking to Haku for the rest of the day.

I wanted to kiss her and apologise for everything I said. I… I still want to kiss her, even though I know it's too late to do so.

I guess there's someone else I want to kiss, but this time I want to kiss that person in gratitude. Oh fuck, I like Miku. I'm already in love with someone else, someone who I can never be with, just like my last crush. What do I do?

From Akita Neru


	8. Chapter 8- Luka's Diary 4

Dear diary,

I hate Miku! I hate, hate, hate her! Okay, maybe I'm just over-exaggerating, but that's beside the point. She outed me in front of the entire student body!

Let me explain. Today I told Miku to stay away from Neru. She asked me why, of course, so I told her that I wanted to protect her. She told me that she could hang out with whoever she wanted, so I told her that she couldn't if she wanted to stay with me. I raised my voice a bit, but I was totally justified.

I can tell by the way Neru looks at Miku that she likes her. She gives her the same eyes that I give Miku and also the same smile. Neru's smile makes my blood boil.

Anyway, Miku yelled that she wasn't going to kiss me anymore if I controlled her too much. I blushed and walked away. Okay, I ran away. Happy now, Diary?

Anyway, I heard everyone whispering as I ran away, clearly intrigued by what they heard. One person stopped me and asked me what was going on. I pushed him away, my eyes brimming with tears. I think I heard someone ask Miku if she and I were together. Now I'm not sure if we are anymore.

Maybe I'm being too melodramatic. It was just one fight, right? I can't shake this feeling of anger, though. Who does Miku think she is? I was just trying to protect her. Fine, I was worried that she'd leave me for Neru. Is that so wrong?

I don't think I'd be able to go to school if I saw her in a relationship with someone else. Is that a bad thought to have? To be honest with you, Diary, I feel like some sort of possessive villain or something.

Miku and I haven't spoken to each other since the incident. Both our mothers haven't asked us why we aren't speaking, but for some reason I know that at least they have noticed. I wonder if Aiko is happy that her daughter and I aren't being lovey-dovey. Laugh all you want, Aiko, but Miku and I are still together.

No, I'm not going to apologise to Miku, even though I desperately want to. Why? Well, she did something wrong too. Why did she feel the need to yell about kissing in front of everyone at school?

Ugh. Now I want to punch something, but what? My pillow? Sounds good. Okay, that felt a little better. Oh god, what's wrong with me? Why do I keep asking myself that question?

If I were to apologise to Miku, would she forgive me? She was right when she told me off for controlling her, so maybe it'd take a bit more than a simple apology to make her forgive me.

How about I buy her a gift? I could buy her a plush animal or a necklace or something. Not that I want to apologise to her or anything!

Okay, I want to apologise. I really should start being honest with myself. I still love Miku and I want to stay with her forever, if that's possible. Not many people stay in relationships they formed during high school.

Stay positive, Luka. I just need to buy Miku the perfect gift. Well, she loves cute things, so a plush toy would be effective. Wow, writing that makes me feel like some sort of military strategist. Or a Pokémon trainer, whatever fits.

Anyway, at least a toy would be cheap. I have no idea how expensive a necklace would be, but I'm betting that I won't be able to afford a nice one. Where should I go to get a plush toy? Oh God, I'd be so embarrassed if I had to step into a toy shop. Shit, I have to go inside a toy shop, don't I? Damn it.

I can just imagine the stares I'll get from children and their parents as I walk into a toy shop. Then again, isn't it now  
normal for teenage girls to go shopping for cute things? I don't know. In case you haven't figured this out already, Diary, I'm really not the most social person on the planet. I mean, I used to have friends other than Miku, but now they hang out with each other instead of me.

Anyway, I can't wait for her to forgive me. Maybe then we'll finally go on a date. I haven't told anyone else this, but I've never been on a date before. I've always been too afraid of rejection to ask guys out. Most guys think I'm, well, to put it mildly, a cold-hearted bitch. I'm glad Miku asked me out or I wouldn't have been able to go out with her.

I still want to know what Miku's hiding from me. I wonder if it's to do with Neru. I mean, how are those two now on speaking terms? Neru was one of the few people who ignored Miku, so why is Neru clearly trying to get close to her?

They aren't… Is Miku cheating on me? Already? I knew I shouldn't let her near any other girls! Wait, calm down, Luka. I really need to see the psychologist more often because I swear I'm going insane. Why am I always so paranoid? It's no wonder Miku isn't speaking to me anymore.

Ugh. I really need to change my attitude if I want my apology to work. I suppose I should actually start talking to my psychologist. What's her name again? Kaiko? That's it.

Kaiko's really young, so I guess I'd feel more comfortable talking to her than my last psychologist. I can tell that she tries really hard to get me to talk about my feelings and so far I've failed her. All well. I'll talk to her next time I see her.

So yeah. I only hope that Miku will forgive me for controlling her. Wish me luck.

Yours sincerely,

Luka


	9. Chapter 9- Ritsu's Diary (JOURNAL!)

Dear Journal,

I think I have some things I need to let out, so that's why I bought this. It's not a diary, it's a journal. If anyone reads this journal, I hope they understand that. Real men don't have diaries, they have journals.

Anyway, I have to say something or I'm going to burst. How do I say this? Well, I'm scared. I know that when other students look at me, they're laughing inside. God, I feel like a sissy for writing that, but I don't have an eraser with me to rub it out.

I wish I could erase my fears, but I can't help but worry that someone's going to start pushing me to the ground. So what do I do? I push others to the ground. It's pathetic, I know, but what else can I do?

I know that everyone thinks I'm gay, but I'm actually not, believe it or not. I'm just a guy who likes feminine things. Wait, no I'm not! I'm a man!

Okay, fine. I know that my cross-dressing habits are a bit peculiar, but I've honestly never felt comfortable wearing male clothes. They just don't suit me.

I guess I'll never be manly enough to become a member of the army. I'll have to fall back on a singing career. Wow, my aspirations are very difficult to get into. Ah well.

My best friend Rin always calls me a wimp. It's gotten to a point where I almost want to punch her in the face. I'd never do such a thing, of course. I love her too much and she'd probably just punch me back anyway.

Our relationship is certainly an unusual one. One minute she's making fun of me (she's the only one who can make fun of me without getting hurt) and the next she's giving me a warm hug. If only she'd give me more than a hug.

What? I'm a man, and men always want to get laid. Oh, who am I kidding? I really just want a sweet little kiss from her. I feel like the only guy in my class who doesn't want to get laid. There must be something wrong with me.

Anyway, I haven't confessed to Rin yet, and I doubt I ever will. I bet that, if I did confess to her, she'd make fun of me again. Besides, I don't know how to confess to someone. You see, Rin's my first crush. I don't know when these feelings began, but just seeing her smile makes me feel like I'm on top of the world.

Yes, I know it's a bit late to start having crushes on people, but puberty came a bit late. It's no wonder I still sound like a girl.

If Rin were to like me back, would that make her some sort of pseudo-lesbian? Okay, that was a stupid question and I promise to never write something so stupid again. But seriously, I'm so unmanly I may as well be a girl. However, I still think of myself as a guy and I wish I was someone strong, someone who could actually look good in men's clothes.

I can tell that Neru's upset about Haku more than anyone else. Neru's one of my friends, by the way. Well, she used to be one of my friends.

To be honest with you, I think she went too far when she started picking on Haku. Rin and I were only joking when we started pulling pranks on Haku and calling her names, but Neru made things so personal. It was almost like she was overcompensating for something, but I don't know what.

Mum still refuses to look at me. She acts as if I don't exist, which makes sense in its own horrible way. Dad's far more accepting of my effeminate ways, however. He even bought me a female school uniform. How nice was that? When I was younger, I always thought that Mum would be the accepting one while Dad would be the one who'd try to make me more masculine, but I couldn't have been more wrong.

I wonder if Dad has really accepted me for who I am, or if he's just playing along. He probably thinks my behaviour is just a phase, but I've had these mannerisms my entire life.

When I was approximately 3 years old, I wanted to play with dolls, but Mum wouldn't let me. When I was 5, I wanted to play dress up with the girls but, once again, Mum didn't let me. When I was 13 I wanted to experiment with makeup.

Wow, at the start of this diary (I mean JOURNAL!) entry, I was trying to reinforce my manliness, and now I'm talking about makeup. What the hell is wrong with me?

Ugh. Now I want to punch someone, maybe Len. The wonderful thing about Len is that he doesn't fight back. He's the biggest wimp in the whole school. It's no wonder Miku rejected him. Okay, that's only a rumour, but everyone knows that he's got a big crush on her.

I saw Miku and Luka hold hands once, but when I looked in their direction, they let go. Do they have some sort of romantic two-girl friendship or are they dating? Asking them is the only one way to find out for sure, but I'm guessing that they are dating. I overheard some people talking about a fight they had. Apparently Miku mentioned kissing, so…

I think I should just ask them. Then again, if they don't want anybody else to know about their relationship, it would probably be rude of me to ask them if they're in one. I'll have to keep guessing until they confirm or deny my suspicions.

Okay, that's all for now. From Namine Ritsu.


	10. Chapter 10- Miku's Diary 3

Dear Diary,

Luka tried to give me a gift today. She apologised to me for being so controlling and gave me a plush toy in the shape of a pink kitten. I have to admit that it was cute, but I gave it back to her.

I hope she didn't realise that I was on the verge of tears. "I can't accept this," I told her. "Take it back. I don't want it."

Before Luka could ask me why I didn't accept her gift, I turned around and walked back into my room. I'm glad I have my own room and don't have to share a room with Luka. That would be awkward in a way. I wouldn't know what to talk to her about before we go to sleep. Does thinking that mean that our relationship is doomed?

Stay on topic, Miku. Anyway, I cried in my room for at least ten minutes. Now, you may be wondering why I didn't accept her gift or her apology. You probably think I'm really stubborn, don't you, Diary?

Well, to be honest with you, when she tried to give me that gift she reminded me of Daddy. Is that wrong? I still remember desperately wanting to tell Mummy to reject Daddy's gifts and stick up for herself, but she never did. It frustrated me to no end.

For a split second I worried that Luka might have been abusive to me. I mean, I know that she didn't hurt me physically, but she did try to control me. Daddy used to control Mummy all the time. He decided what clothes she wore, when she ate and when she went out. Whenever she came home late he would threaten her with divorce and sometimes even death.

Mummy tried to hide the abuse from me, but I heard every fight they had. I knew why she had bruises on her face and why she didn't have a job anymore. I could see the pain she felt even though she always smiled in front of me.

Anyway, I don't want Luka to become like Daddy. At first it was hard to imagine her as being at all like Daddy, but now she's beginning to worry me.

Then again, maybe her jealous actions are her way of showing me that she loves me. She clearly cares about me and maybe she had good intentions when she tried to steer me away from Neru. If only she knew that Neru would never hurt me. Neru's too kind.

Okay, I know that Neru was mean in the past, especially to Haku, but I think she's changed. She always gives me a smile every morning at school and she says hello to me when Luka's not around. Sometimes we have conversations about different things such as school and TV shows. I'm glad to be her friend. At least, I think I'm her friend.

Wow, I should probably see someone about my tendency of going off on tangents. Anyway, I really should have told Luka why I didn't accept her gift. She's probably really mad at me. Oh well. I don't think I'll be able to explain things without bursting to tears.

How much should I tell her about my life in an abusive household? She hasn't asked me too many questions about it, but I can tell that she wants to know a lot more about it. Sometimes I want to keep my experience to myself and other times I want to tell everyone I know about it. Maybe I should see a psychologist too, just like Luka, but I don't know how to contact one. I guess I should ask Luka about it. If she wants to talk to me at all, that is.

Ugh. I really need to end this fight between us. I should tell her that I forgive her and don't need a gift from her. I honestly just want to give her a hug and a kiss. I already miss her kisses.

Wow, that makes me sound desperate. I guess I am. I probably shouldn't still love her after what happened, but I just can't help it. I want to see her cute smile again. Seriously, during those rare times when she does smile, I have trouble breathing and have to remind myself to breathe in and out. It's pathetic, I know.

I want to go on a date with her, but I don't know where and when. We have school to worry about, of course, though Luka seems to be doing fine. I mean, I'm passing but just barely.

Ugh, I must stay on topic! Concentrate, Miku. As I was saying, I guess I could take her to the movies or something. Oh, I know! 'Moshi Moshi, Mirai' is on now, isn't it? It's a romantic comedy so I know I'll love it, and I think Luka will too. Let's just hope for the best.

It would be nice if there were any lesbian themed movies out in cinemas, but I don't think there are. Oh well. I think those kind of movies are usually indie films, so I'd love to see a mainstream lesbian film. If such a movie existed, would Luka be willing to watch it with me?

I think it's about time we start being open about our relationship at school. At first I was worried about being bullied, but I don't really care anymore. I mean, when we had that fight I did kind of admit to us being in a relationship and no one's picked on us yet, so all I need to do is confirm what everyone at school is thinking.

Okay, it seems that I need to make a checklist of things I want to do. First of all, get back together with Luka. Secondly, go on a date with her. Thirdly, come out to my classmates. That shouldn't be too hard, right?

From Miku.


	11. Chapter 11- Luka's Diary 5

Dear Diary,

Now I know why Miku didn't accept my gift. Oh God, am I so terrible that I remind her of her father? I need more help than I thought.

She asked me why I didn't want her to be near Neru. No, seriously, she's that oblivious. Anyway, I told her that Neru has a crush on her, and I was almost overwhelmed by how cute Miku looked when her eyes widened.

She asked me how that can be and how I know, so I told her that Neru looks at her like a child experiencing their first love. Maybe Miku is Neru's first love. That would explain why she hasn't admitted it yet.

Anyway, Miku told me that she wants to come out. I asked her if she's sure, and she nodded with a smile. I'm not sure if I'm ready to come out myself. I mean, I know that a lot of students already know about my relationship with Miku, but I just can't see myself saying it out loud.

Maybe I'm being selfish. After all, Miku admitted about her relationship with me to her own mother. I did too, but I didn't go through what Miku did.

Miku gave me a kiss on the cheek. Is it selfish of me to want more from her? Ugh. I'm so messed up. Now I'm even beginning to want… no, I'm not going to say it. What would Mum do if she found and read this diary?

Fine, I want… ugh. I guess I am practically a grownup already, and adults have needs. But at the same time I don't want to ruin Milku's innocence, if that makes sense. I don't know what to do.

Oh, I forgot to tell you that I started talking about things with Kaiko. I think I'm actually starting to fix my anger management issues. I'm glad I haven't physically lashed out at Miku. Yet.

Ugh. I need to stop being so down on myself. I would never hurt Miku like that, even if I was angry. Miku's such a precious little flower that if anyone dared to hurt her, I don't know what I'd do. Okay, I need to calm down. No one's hurt Miku.

I sometimes worry that our relationship is twisted, and that the twistedness is all my fault. I want to make Miku happy but sometimes I don't know how. Damn it. Well, she did say that she wants to go on a date with me to the movies, so maybe I could pay for her tickets and food as well as mine.

Then again, she told me that I don't need to buy her love. That was nice, I guess, but now I don't know what to do to make her fully forgive me. She said that she's forgiven me, but I don't buy it. I mean, who would forgive me so easily after I was the most horrible girlfriend in history?

Damn it, I need to stop insulting myself. Oh, and I really should stop saying "damn it", but I think saying it might be one of the reasons I've managed to calm down whenever I've gotten angry.

Before going to bed Miku and I enjoyed a movie. We even ate popcorn. I can't really remember what the movie was about since all I could do was think about how close I was to Miku. Wow, that sounded pathetic. Anyway, Miku gave me a short but sweet kiss on the lips before going to her room. I remember how soft her lips were.

One thing worried me, though. You see, when Miku said goodnight to me, she gave me a sad smile for some reason. Why? Doesn't she want to be with me anymore? Okay, that probably isn't it.

Oh God, maybe her mind is plagued with thoughts of her Dad or something. Tomorrow I'll ask her if she needs any professional help. I just know that asking her that will be the most embarrassing thing I've ever done, but I also know that it's the right thing to do, whether Miku realises it or not. I just hope that she won't think I'm being rude.

Anyway, I wonder how Neru will react to Miku and I being open about our relationship. Heh, she'll probably go home crying and write about it in her diary. Wait…Is it wrong of me to want that?

Okay, Luka, enough with the jealousy. Miku's with you and nobody else. Why do I need to keep reminding myself that? I need to get rid of all this negativity.

I asked Kaiko how to stop being so negative and she gave me a piece of paper. She told me to write down all of my skills, achievements and good traits. I don't know where I put that piece of paper but I guess I can write about my good points in here.

Okay, um, I guess I'm kinda smart. Kinda. I have pretty good grades and in some subjects I'm at the top of my class.

What else? Well, Miku told me that I sing well. I'm glad that she's taken the time to listen to me during Music class. She said that I have good tone, whatever that means.

Ugh, this is so hard. I've been thinking about what else to write for five minutes. Oh, I know! I'm cute, apparently. I've just realised that any shred of confidence I do have can be attributed to Miku. Thanks, Miku. You're really too kind. Really, if you don't stop being kind to me my head will get so big that it'll take up the entire room.

Anyway, I'm pretty sure I'm caring and protective. I'm sure Miku can vouch for that, for better or for worse. I guess it was pretty brave of me to come out to Mum, even if she accepted me straight away. I mean, how was I supposed to know how she'd react?

Okay, I think that's enough of an ego boost. I can't wait to go on a date with Miku and, even though I'm extremely nervous about it, I can't wait to come out to my class too.

Yours sincerely,

Luka


	12. Chapter 12- Miku's Diary 4

Dear Diary,

Today I finally came out to my classmates. I feel free now, but I can't help but worry about all the looks I got. Let me tell you how it went down.

Class had just finished, so I knew I had to do something before everyone left the classroom. So what did I do? I walked up to Luka and grabbed her hand. I smiled when I saw her cheeks turn red.

"Hey, sweetie," I said to her. I know I sounded like I was married to her, but I didn't know what else to say. Everyone who was still in the room looked at us. "What, can't I say hi to my girlfriend?"

Someone snorted but everyone else went back to their business. My smile grew wider as I walked out of the classroom with Luka, hand in hand. Some people looked at us weirdly but most people paid no attention.

"I can't believe you did that," Luka told me.

"Are you mad at me?"

"Of course not. I wanted to come out as much as you did."

What Luka did next surprised me. She saw Neru and walked up to her. "So, are you going to come out like us?"

"What are you talking about?"Neru asked.

"It's obvious that you have a crush on my girlfriend." My cheeks heated up when I heard the word 'girlfriend'. The word seems so special to me for some reason.

"As if! Why would I like someone like Miku?"

"Are you saying that Miku's not good enough for you?"

"I never said that, but I'm not a lesbian."

"Prove it."

"What?"

"Have you liked any guys?"

"O-of course I have!"

"You're lying, aren't you?"

"Luka, that's enough," I protested. "You can't force someone to come out."

Neru blushed and scowled at Luka, who scowled back. "Just because I haven't like any guys yet doesn't mean I never will."

"Then why do you always sigh when you look at Miku?"Luka asked.

"What do you want me to say? Fine, I do like Miku. Just leave me alone."

Luka smiled and walked away with me. My blood began to boil and I let go of Luka's hand. Luka gave me a puzzled look but kept quiet.

"Why the hell did you do that?" I asked her.

"What do you mean?"

"Coming out is sacred. It's a rite of passage and you forced Neru to do it. How dare you!"

"Sorry."

"You're not really sorry, are you?"

"No."

"You really should stop hating Neru. She did nothing wrong and I'm not leaving you for her."

Luka had a look of realisation on her face, as if she'd just reached an epiphany, but instead of a smile she looked sad for some weird reason. I sighed and didn't talk about it for the rest of the day.

Seriously though, what made her frown like that? She looked at me like she realised that something bad was happening. I guess I should have asked her about it, but I have a feeling that she wouldn't give me an answer.

Ugh. Is this what our relationship's really like? I think we're supposed to communicate more or something. Well, Now I've checked off two things on my to-do list. I'll have to add 'communicate more' to it. I can't wait to go to the movies with Luka this weekend. After that we'll have plenty to talk about.

Is it just me or has Luka been giving me strange looks lately? She narrows her eyes, but I know she isn't angry because she smiles. I love her smile so much that I feel like I'm in another world when she smiles. It's cliché, I know.

Anyway, I just realised that I hardly went off topic today. Congratulations, Miku! Okay, maybe I should save the celebrations for after I cross off everything on my to-do list. Wish me luck!

From Miku


	13. Chapter 13- Neru's Diary 3

Dear Diary,

Today I made the biggest mistake in my entire life. You see, I'd been thinking about what Luka said to me and after about… I don't know… half an hour of pondering, I finally decided to come out to my parents. That was stupid of me, wasn't it?

Anyway, what happened was this. I had what I wanted to say memorised in my head. I just needed the right time to say it. I found the perfect time during lunch, when Mum was ranting to Dad about some gay couple she saw kissing in public. I asked her how she'd react if I told her that I was gay. She and Dad gave me curious looks.

Mum asked me why I felt the need to ask such a question and told me that she doesn't like to play 'what if'. I told her that I'm gay and Mum laughed at me, denying what I told her. I said it again and Mum's laughing died.

Mum asked me why I think I'm gay and if I'm been hanging out with gay people. I made another stupid mistake- telling her the truth. I mean, I don't usually hang out with gay people, but I do like hanging out with Miku.

Mum looked at me as if she was trying not to slap me. I could see several emotions wash over her face- first shock, then anger, then grief, as if she lost her own daughter. In her eyes she did.

She eventually calmed down and suggested that I seek reparative therapy. She asked me if I'm depressed because I'm gay. I shook my head. I stood up and left the dining room.

Oh, and something big happened yesterday. I was leaving school when I was stopped by two people who looked similar to Haku. They asked me if I was Neru. I nodded.

They thanked me for "taking care of Haku" and told me that Haku talked about me a lot. I assumed that they were her parents but I didn't ask them if they were. They gave me a letter and told me that it came from Haku before walking away.

I waited until I got home to read it. The letter turned out to be a suicide note. I can't do it justice with my own words so I may as well copy everything here:

_To whom it may concern,_

_Life has been much tougher than what I expected it to be, especially since Ritsu and Rin came to my school. Despite the way they treated me, I can't bring myself to hate them. They both seem like sad people who aren't worthy of my hate._

_Anyway, I've been thinking and I recently realised just how unimportant I am. Someone I care deeply about called me horrendous things and caused me to have this realisation. I won't say who did it because it's not important. What is important is the fact that I don't deserve to be around people who are clearly better than me._

_One of those people is Akita Neru. She is smart and doesn't take crap from anyone. I love the way she smiles a little when she sneaks glances at me. For a while I thought that she loved me back, but I guess I was wrong._

_When I realised how wrong I was, my life fell apart. I bet no one noticed that I stopped smiling. Anyway, I hope that someone finds this and talks to me. I feel that what I'm going to do is stupid, but I can't stop myself. I need to end things now before they get worse._

_From Yowane Haku_

Needless to say, I burst into tears after reading her note. How was I supposed to know that she loved me? What reason did she have for loving me? I'm not kind like she was. I'm not cute like she was either.

I think the most upsetting thing is that her parents think I took care of her even though her death is my fault. I wish I could sit her parents down and tell them the truth, but I don't think I'd be able to face them if I had the chance.

It turns out that I'm not over Haku yet despite liking Miku. I guess old flames are never truly put out. I must be the unluckiest person in the world when it comes to love.

Okay, I really should stop complaining. Haku's troubles were much worse than mine. It's amazing that she was still able to be nice after being bullied like that. What she went through is more important than my love life.

Speaking of my love life, I wonder if I'll ever meet a girl who'll love me back. I wonder what she'll be like. She'll probably be strong enough to put up with me.

So what am I going to do about Mum? Didn't she say that she's planning on giving me reparative therapy? I don't know much about it, but don't people get electrified or something? I wish I knew, but I don't want to find out about it from experience.

Dad wasn't as angry as Mum, but I could still see that he died a little inside when I told him that I'm gay. I wonder if he's going to tell Nero or sweep the truth under the rug. I don't know what's worse.

Maybe I should talk to Miku about how my parents reacted to me coming out. Mum hasn't found a cheap enough psychologist for me, so I have no one else to turn to. I wonder how Miku's parents reacted to her coming out.

I also want to know how Miku ended up with Luka. I mean, I know that they were friends and everything, but who confessed to whom? I'll see if I can find out more about Miku.

From Akita Neru


	14. Chapter 14- Miku's Diary 5

Dear Diary,

Something terrible happened tonight. Don't get me wrong, the rest of the night was wonderful, but something happened that really upset me.

You see, tonight I watched 'Moshi Moshi, Mirai' with Luka. I loved it so much that it's become my favourite movie. It was so cute and I loved it when the character Piko showed his kind side to Gumi. Oh my gosh, it was the cutest thing ever!

Anyway, Luka and I held hands as we walked home. The cinema isn't too far from home. I just realised that I think of Luka's home as my own. I guess it shows how close we've gotten.

Stay on topic, Miku. Okay, well, we got home later than we expected, so both our mothers were asleep. We both went up to my room and I gave her a kiss. We kissed for a bit longer than I thought we would. Okay, we kinda made out. There, I said it.

Luka lightly pushed me onto my bed and continued to kiss me. I pushed her away and sat up. She gave me a puzzled look.

"What's wrong?" she asked me.

"I'm not ready for that yet," I told her. Luka turned around and sighed.

"You know, I've been thinking."

"And?"

"I think we should break up."

"Over that?"

Luka turned to face me. "Of course not. It's just that I'm worried about you. I don't want to hurt you. What if I get angry and lash out at you one day?"

"But you won't do that!"

"What makes you so sure? You know I have anger management issues. I don't want to be like your father."

"What?"

"He abused you, didn't he? You said that I reminded you of him once."

"But I love you. I don't love Daddy."

Luka sighed again before standing up. "This is what's best for you. It's already bad enough that you live in the same house as me, but I need to decrease your chances of getting hurt."

"It sounds like you're threatening me."

"Well, if that's the case, we really shouldn't be together after all. Good night." She left the room and closed the door.

What the hell? That was sudden. How long had she been thinking that? Maybe I shouldn't love her as much as I do now.

I never said that she was like Daddy, did I? I just told her that the act of giving me a gift reminded me of Daddy. I can't believe she took that the wrong way.

Ugh. What, am I supposed to never talk to her again? I doubt that's possible. Well, at least she loves me enough to not want me to get hurt, right? Right?

Oh, who am I kidding? If she loved me, she would have stayed with me. Then again, isn't true love supposed to be selfless? I feel like a piece of trash that can be easily dumped into a trashcan. I guess that's what I am at the moment.

Anyway, I hope that Luka comes to her senses. I can't help but wonder if what she said about wanting to protect me was just an excuse to dump me because I didn't want to sleep with her.

Be positive, Miku. I used to be positive all the time. I don't know what happened to me. Maybe it was Luka who made me like this. Maybe I should stop blaming everything on Luka just because I'm mad at her. That sounds like a good idea.

Anyway, I bet Mum will be glad that I'm no longer with Luka. She hasn't complained about my relationship with Luka since I came out to her, but I doubt she's fully accepted me yet. I wonder what I can do to change her beliefs.

She probably expected me to marry some handsome guy who'd treat me like Daddy treated her. Wow, I really have become cynical. Thanks a lot, Luka.

Ugh. What can I do to make Luka mine again? How can I rephrase that question in a way that doesn't make me sound like I want to possess her? I'm so messed up.

Maybe I should just get over Luka. I could go out with someone else. That'll make her rethink her decision to dump me, especially if I end up with Neru.

Then again, I'm not sure if I really want to go out with Neru. She's nice and all, but I just see her as a friend. I wonder how she felt when she found out that I was going out with Luka.

I'd usually end this diary entry with a plan of the future, but now I don't know what to do anymore.

From Miku


	15. Chapter 15- Neru's Diary 4

Dear Diary,

I told Miku about my parents' plans to send me to reparative therapy. It was lunch and she wasn't with Luka. I wondered why but I didn't mention it.

She seemed really surprised and clearly wanted to help me, but for some reason it seemed like she was feeling helpless herself. I asked her about it and she looked half angry and half sad. She told me that Luka broke up with her.

I sat at the table in silence, unsure how to help her. After a few seconds I gave Miku an awkward hug and let her cry on my shoulder, my blood as hot as the sun.

Who does Luka think she is? I knew Luka was bad for Miku. Miku explained that Luka was worried that she'd hurt her. Okay, "explained" is a strong word. I don't need an explanation to know that Luka made the right decision to dump her, but at the same time I know that Luka shouldn't have done it.

I felt this strong desire to comfort Miku with a kiss, but I doubt that my kiss would be comforting. Perhaps one day my love for someone will comfort them. Okay, that probably wouldn't happen.

Mum would have a heart attack if she saw me kissing Miku. I'm surprised Mum hasn't already had one. All that preaching can't be good for her heart.

Mum's been giving me pamphlets telling me to seek the lord. No, really. I thought this kind of thing only happened in America, but I couldn't be more wrong. I guess this kind of thing happens behind the scenes here or something.

I'm one of only a handful of students who was raised in a Christian household. I was taught to love people, but that didn't work out. I mean, bullying Haku wasn't exactly the most loving thing I could do.

Ugh, I really need to forgive myself for how I treated Haku, but I honestly don't know how to. Maybe I should do something to take my mind off my guilt, like cooking or drawing or something. I am good at drawing. I know this because Haku used to compliment my drawings in art class.

I remember how my face used to heat up whenever Haku complimented me. I usually called her an idiot and stopped talking to her. Maybe I was mean to her before I started properly bullying her. Can someone 'properly' bully someone? I'll have to ask someone.

Anyway, I wonder if anyone else noticed how I reacted to Haku's kind words. I have a feeling Rin did. That would explain why she got so much joy out of me bullying Haku.

I wonder how Rin's doing. Ritsu's still following her like a puppy. It's kinda cute in a way. He looks at her like she's a goddess for some reason. I wonder why Ritsu and Rin got along so well in the first place. I mean, I was there at the time but I still can't wrap my head around a shy (he doesn't look it but he is) guy befriending a psychopath. Either Ritsu's tougher than I thought or Rin's less horrible than I thought.

Come to think of it, why did I want to befriend Rin so badly? I could have easily fit in with the rest of the class, so I guess I thought that Rin was cooler than the rest of my classmates. God, I was stupid.

I wonder how Mum would react if she heard about how I treated Haku. She'd probably ground me for a week, but I know that wouldn't be enough for her. She's usually light when it comes to punishments even if she wants to punish me more. Well, except for the punishment I'm about to get for being gay.

Ugh. I wish Mum stopped trying to change people. I know some of her long-time friends and they told me that Dad's the first person she's dated who isn't an alcoholic. Who knew?

Mum and Dad really are perfect for each other. Both are kind but somewhat preachy, especially Mum. I guess I've gotten used to them constantly lecturing me, but occasionally they do annoy me.

Maybe I should leave my parents. I know it seems harsh, but I want to stay away from reparative therapy if I can. Then again, I don't have anywhere else to go. Why didn't my parents just kick me out instead of putting in extra effort to change me? Well, that's not how my parents work.

Maybe I can ask Miku what she would do if she was about to be hurt by her parents. I mean, I know it'd be hard for her to imagine, but I'm sure she has some good advice. For someone whose grades aren't the best, she is kinda wise in a way. I should tell her that. Before I came out to my parents I asked her for advice on coming out and she told me to be patient with my parents. Maybe there is hope and my parents will accept me eventually! No, that's a stupid thought.

I'm still not sure whether I should tell Haku's parents the truth about how I treated her or not. On one hand I don't want to break their trust, even though I hardly know them, but on the other hand I know that if I meet them again they'll make me feel so guilty that I'll burst into tears. Yes, that is a thing that can happen. Trust me, I should know.

Anyway, I can't help but wonder what I would be like if Haku was still alive. I feel like Haku's death gave me the courage to come out to my parents. I know that sounds horrible, but let me explain, diary stealer. I think I wanted to make up for my weaknesses that resulted in Haku's death. Being braver than usual is my way of honouring her and apologising to her.

What would happen if someone actually did read this diary? Would they feel sorry for me or would they hate me? Their reactions would make sense either way.

Has Haku had her funeral yet? I haven't heard anything about it, but I guess it makes sense that I wasn't invited. Who would want to invite their murderer to their funeral? Then again, Haku probably didn't see me as her murderer. I'm not sure if that makes me feel better or worse.

Okay, so what am I going to do now? I'll ask Miku for advice tomorrow and be patient with my parents. Sounds good.

From Akita Neru.

PS. I wonder if I should stop writing my full name at the end of each diary entry. I mean, it's pretty formal and my diary is the last place I should be formal in.


	16. Chapter 16- Luka's Diary 6

Dear Diary,

I'm already beginning to feel immense guilt. Maybe I shouldn't have broken up with Miku. Okay, "dumped" is a more fitting word. Yeah, whatever words fit, what I did wasn't the best thing to do.

Damn it. Miku's hanging out with Neru more often. Oh, and every time Miku looks at me, it's with anger or sadness. I wish I could kiss her pain better.

Damn it. No, Luka, you have to stay away from her. That's going to be pretty hard if I'm living with her. What can I do to get over her? Will I ever get over the feeling I get when I see her smile? Wow, that sounded cliché.

Wait, did I just write "damn it" again? What's wrong with me? Hmm… let me look up other ways to say "damn it". Okay, maybe I can say "confound it". No, that sounds too formal, like a movie being censored.

I've decided to take singing lessons. I asked Mum about it and she offered to pay for each lesson. She found a teacher for me and I should start lessons next week. I hope I'm as good at singing as Miku says I am.

I wonder what songs this teacher will make me sing. Sometimes I wish I could sing a love song to Miku to make up with her. Surely breaking up with her was the right decision, right? Right?

Anyway, back to talking about singing lessons. I told my psychologist about taking lessons and she thinks it's a great idea. She says that it'd be a good way for me to calm down and express myself.

Apparently the singing teacher used to be a professional singer. What was her name again? I think it was Seeu or something. Is it just me or does that name sound foreign? Where does this Seeu lady come from?

I wonder how Mum found a professional singer to teach me. She must have more connections than I thought. Well, Mum is a pretty social person with loads of friends. It makes me wonder how she gave birth to someone like me.

I think I need to add the word 'wonder' to my list of words I should stop using, along with 'damn' and 'anyway'. Maybe I should get a Japanese tutor as well as a singing teacher.

I can't believe I forgot to write about the reason I'm writing this diary entry. You see, I saw Miku's dad today. No, really. When I recognised him a chill went down my spine and I froze.

Miku's dad recognised me too and asked me if I knew where Miku was. I shook my head. I could tell that Miku's dad was upset. His breath smelt like alcohol, but I'm not sure what he's been drinking. His clothes were all over the place and he was beginning to grow an ugly beard.

For no longer than a second I almost felt sorry for the guy. After that second I reminded myself that he abused two people.

What he said next surprised me. "How's school going?" I stood there silently for a few moments before replying that school was fine. He gave me a weak smile and began to walk away. As he walked he said, "At least Miku has you".

Now do you see why I'm feeling guilty over dumping Miku, Diary? I wouldn't feel so bad about it if Miku's dad kept his mouth shut.

Then again, he was kind of the reason why I dumped Miku to begin with. I don't want to date someone who is reminded of their abusive father every time they're near me.

Maybe I should stop using the word "dumped" when talking about what I did to Miku. Instead I should write that I let her go or something. I don't know. Would writing that make me feel at least a little bit better? Probably not. I'm not sure if anything can stop me from feeling as guilty as I feel right now.

Perhaps dating someone else can take my mind off the guilt and help me get over Miku. Who can I date? I wonder if Miku's asking herself the same thing.

Anyway, there are a lot of good looking guys in my class, like Yuuma and Kyo. Yuuma's got lots of admirers, so I doubt he'll want to go out with me when he has plenty of options.

Kyo's single and no one wants him, but maybe I should wait until I have a crush on someone before I start dating.

It's a shame that my relationship with Miku turned sour so quickly. How long did it last, a month or two? I honestly can't remember when we got together.

Oh, why am I trying to deny my remaining feelings for Miku? I want her. No, scratch that. I need her. Every part of my body yearns to be with her again.

I know I haven't had singing lessons yet, but I really want to sing a love song to Miku. I think I should practice it and sing it at school. That way I can almost guarantee that Miku will want me back.

Is it selfish to think that? Oh well. I'm determined to be a better girlfriend to Miku. I'm not sure how but I'll figure it out.

Wish me luck! Yours sincerely,

Luka


	17. Chapter 17- Miku's Diary 6

Dear Diary,

Luka did the sweetest and most romantic thing ever. It was lunchtime when Luka walked up to me. I frowned at her but she looked unfazed. She began to sing. I've never heard the song before but the words were so romantic that I almost fainted.

Don't get me wrong, I didn't let Luka off that easily. In fact, my anger grew and grew until I burst into tears.

"What, you think you can just sing me a song and expect me to forgive you? You tried to control me and then you gave me a present like some sort of abuser!"

I was shaking but I tried to stay strong. Tears continued to flow down my cheeks as I tightened my fists. I tried to ignore the fact that everyone was staring at me as if I was an actor on a movie screen. People crowded around Luka and me.

"Then, when we got together, you dumped me like a piece of trash because I didn't want to sleep with you!"

I took a moment to cry. I know it was pathetic of me to cry so much during school, but I couldn't help it. "And, despite all that, despite everything you did, I still love you! Why do I still love you?"

Luka was silent for a few seconds but finally she replied. "I have no idea."

"You're insecure and easily jealous and you push people away, but I still love you!"

"I'm sorr-"

"You're hotheaded and antisocial, but I still love you!"

"I get the point-"

"I'm not finished! The worst thing you've ever done is break up with me, which is hardly the worst thing a person can do. Maybe that's why I still love you. If you want to get back together with me, you can."

"Are you done now?"

"Yes. Sorry for yelling at you. How long have you been learning that song?"

"About two weeks."

"That's some dedication. No wonder I love you so much."

Luka smiled and gave me a peck on the lips, as if she had also forgotten that we were surrounded by many students.

"Gross!" Rin shouted. Luka frowned at her.

"What did you say?"

"Take your kissing somewhere else. No one wants to see crap like that."

I looked at Ritsu, who stood behind Rin like some sort of minion. He looked like he wanted to say something but kept silent.

"Don't listen to her," a voice said. I turned around and saw a girl from my class named Iroha. "You can kiss whoever you want."

"Mind your own business!" Rin yelled at Iroha.

"Be nice or I won't invite you to my party."

"What party?"

"I'm having a party and everyone in my class is invited. I want everyone to get along and anyone who disrupts the fun will be kicked out. Got it?"

So that's what happened. Iroha told me that the party's tomorrow night. I can't wait. Even Luka looked excited. Everyone started talking about the party and only stopped when the bell rang.

I have a feeling that Luka's going to stay with me forever this time, though I not quite sure why. Maybe I'm just being optimistic or something.

I've noticed lately that Mummy doesn't give me judgemental stares. What a relief. I doubt she's accepted my relationship with Luka yet but I know that someday she will, and I think that day will come soon.

Luka's mum smiled brightly when she saw me hold hands with Luka again. She gave Luka a pat on the back and whispered something in her ear that made her blush. I asked Luka what her mum whispered but she didn't answer me.

What should I wear for this party? Maybe I can borrow something from Luka. Then again, her clothes might be too big for me, especially in… certain areas.

Anyway, I wonder what Iroha's house looks like. Most of the people in my area are pretty rich so I'm guessing that her house is really big, perfect for such a big party.

I'll have to give you an update on what happens at the party. I only hope Rin doesn't ruin the party for me. Goodbye for now.

From Miku


	18. Chapter 18- Neru's Diary 5

Dear Diary,

I actually stood up to my parents tonight. Crazy, right?

Okay, my parents asked me why I was wearing a party dress and I told them that I'm going to Iroha's party.

Dad asked me if there will be any lesbians there. I nodded, causing him to sigh and forbid me from going to the party. What I did next surprised even myself.

"It doesn't matter, Dad. I know you mean well, but I can't let you destroy my life just because I was born different!"

"What are you talking about?" Mum asked. My anger increased as I told her that I don't want to commit suicide again. "What do you mean by "again"?"

I told her about that night when I was about to jump over a bridge into a body of water. I said to my parents that I refuse to have reparative therapy.

Dad tried to convince me that this therapy is the right option for me, but it didn't work. I looked at myself in the mirror and smiled.

"I know it sounds cliché, but I think I'm fine the way I am. Stop trying to change me. I want you to accept me and if you don't, I'm no longer your daughter."

"Don't say things like that," Mum replied. "We would never disown you. We love you."

"Prove it. Don't send me to reparative therapy and be supportive if I come home with a girlfriend."

Mum sighed. "When did you find out that you're a lesbian?"

"You know that girl Haku?"

"The girl who died? I read about her in the papers. Wasn't she also a homosexual?"

I nodded. "Well, she was my first love. She's the reason I found out about this part of myself."

"You know what?" Dad asked. "You can go to the party. Be back here by 10. Got it?"

My smile grew and I gave both my parents a hug. Dad drove me to Iroha's house. I nervously knocked on the door and Iroha opened it after what felt like several minutes.

The party was pretty good. I met someone cool named Teto. I have to admit that she was pretty cute and she was really easy to talk to as well. She loves pop music like me and we had a long conversation until we were interrupted by one of Teto's friends, who wanted to talk to her about something.

Miku and Luka looked really happy together. I saw them together a lot and they were smiling every time I saw them.

I think I'm slowly beginning to get over Miku. I just hope that a) Teto's into girls and b) Teto's single. What chances do I have of both those things being true? Be optimistic, Neru.

I saw Rin and Ritsu having an argument, but I didn't find out why they were arguing. Maybe it's to do with their relationship or something. That's probably it. They really should just get together already.

Then again, maybe they really are together already but haven't told anyone yet. Why would they want to hide a thing like that? I mean, it made sense for me to hide my feelings for Haku, but why would they do the same thing?

When I saw them, the first thing I noticed was that Ritsu was wearing a dress. I can't believe his parents let him wear that. It's weird enough that he sometimes wears the female uniform but surely his parents would draw the line somewhere.

Don't get me wrong. Despite the many times I was told that people should act like their gender, I don't hate him just because he wants to dress that way. It's just a little weird to me, that's all.

Anyway, the food was delicious. I got to see Teto again because she found me and sat next to me as I ate. We continued talking about a wide range of topics from music to movies to politics. I don't know much about politics so I simply listened to Teto rant about some politician. I actually didn't mind listening to her since she has an unusual but cute voice.

If I met Teto earlier, I wouldn't be so open about my attraction to her. I can't wait to tell Miku about Teto. Maybe the two can be friends.

Luka hasn't shown her jealousy towards me at all. It's refreshing really, to have her not be bitter to me. Things are looking up, aren't they?

My psychologist said not too long ago that I'm improving and soon I won't even need to see her. I wonder what it was that made me improve other than my psychologist. Miku, maybe?

After Teto said goodbye to me again I asked Miku if it was Luka who confessed to her. She told me that she encouraged Luka to confess. Miku laughed when she saw the confused look on my face and retold the story of how they got together.

I wish I had such a cute story about becoming someone's girlfriend. Seriously, Miku's story sounded like something straight out of a movie.

So yeah. I enjoyed the party and I feel a lot better than I felt when I first started writing in this diary. Oh the memories. Someday I might not even feel the need to write in this diary. Why? Someday I'll be able to tell other people how I'm feeling and won't have to release my feelings into this diary.

Don't cry, diary stealer. At least you got to find out about a portion of my life. Bye for now.

From Akita Neru


	19. Chapter 19- Ritsu's Journal 2

Dear Journal,

I had an exceptional night overall. Iroha's party was convivial to say the least. Dad even let me wear a dress! Mum yelled at me of course, so I told her that I can wear whatever I want.

Standing up to my mother was a liberating experience. It was difficult convincing her that I'm still manly when I'm not entirely convinced that I am myself, but in the end she sighed and told me that she gave up on trying to change how I dressed.

I asked her if that meant she gave up on me altogether. She looked at me with wide eyes and asked me what I meant by that. I told her that I was worried that she'd evict me. She raised an eyebrow and shook her head.

Phew. That's one less thing to worry about. There's one thing I need to do before I can feel better. I need to apologise to all the people I've hurt.

At first I thought that Rin and I were just having fun until the day before I got this journal. That's when I realised that I was just metaphorically pushing people down so that they wouldn't do that exact same thing to me.

I guess I should have already been aware of what I was doing. Shame on me. I guess I didn't think much back then. My how things have changed.

Mum also did something that bewildered me. She gave me some of her makeup and let me borrow it. Maybe she's not as judgmental as I first thought. Maybe what I said reached her heart and convinced her to change her attitude or something. No, that's unlikely. Then again, why else would she do what she did?

Like I said earlier, the party was great. I thought that only my classmates would be at the party, but it turned out that Iroha invited more people than I expected. It's a good thing she has such a big house.

Anyway, I was dancing with Rin (no, it was not slow dancing. She refused to slow dance with a crossdresser like me) when I saw her glare at Miku and Luka for some reason. I asked her about it and her frown became more noticeable. I'm going to have to paraphrase since I doubt I can remember exactly what was said.

"Those dykes make me feel sick," she said to me. I frowned and narrowed my eyes.

"I… I don't think you should say things like that," I told her quietly and nervously.

"Why not? Isn't that what Neru said? You didn't get angry when she said it."

"Well, I didn't realise what it meant then."

"Excuses, excuses."

"Whatever. Just don't do it again."

Rin looked at me with a strange expression as she moved closer to me. Her eyes were half-closed for some reason and her voice began to sound almost… seductive. She put a hand on my chest and whispered in my ear.

"So, um, I've been thinking that maybe we could, I don't know… get together or something?"

"What?"

"Not to brag but I know you want me. Come on, there should be an empty room upstairs. We can go slow if you want."

"I don't think we should."

"Why not? I'm offering you the opportunity of a lifetime."

"I honestly have no idea why I'm rejecting you. Maybe it's because you're not as sweet as I thought."

"Is there someone else? Why else would you reject someone like me?"

I shook my head and walked away. I walked over to Neru, who was surprised to see me seek her out. I took a deep breath before apologising.

"I shouldn't have pressured you into picking on Haku. I won't do it again."

Neru's eyes narrowed. "Well, she's dead, so you couldn't get me to pick on her even if you wanted to."

"You're not going to accept my apology?"

Neru smirked. "Give me time."

Now that I think about it, what did I like about this party again? Well the music that blared throughout the house was fun to listen to. Oh, and I danced with other people, students who seemed to forgive me even though I haven't apologised to them yet.

Most people, with the exception of Rin, were exuberant and had smiles on their faces. I almost laughed at the expressions on some people's faces, especially the people who were eating.

I wonder what will happen now that I've decided to end my bullying ways. Is what I did considered bullying? Probably. Anyway, I wonder if people will stop being scared of me and make fun of me because of what I wear.

I also wonder what I'm going to do now that Rin's out of my life. Perhaps I should start hanging out with more people and maybe, just maybe, I can find someone else to love.

In conclusion, I enjoyed the party and I'm excited about what life has in store for me. Wow, I had no idea that I sound like I'm writing an essay whenever I write. It's no wonder my English grade is so high.

From Ritsu.


	20. Chapter 20- Luka's Diary 7

Dear Diary,

I just had the best night. Okay, I'm exaggerating, but you get the point. The night was almost perfect and the few flaws of it didn't annoy me as much as I expected them to.

Before going to the party, Aiko actually smiled at me and said that she hoped that I have good time. It's pretty rare for Aiko to smile at me. Does this mean that she's accepted my relationship with Miku? Miku must have done something to change her mind.

Iroha's house was beautiful. It was big and white and looked American, or maybe that's just me. The music was fun to listen to and I even got to dance with Miku!

Rin looked annoyed at Miku and me for some reason and muttered something but I didn't hear what she said.

Miku looked a little sad for a while, so I asked her what was troubling her. She gave me a weak smile and said that she was fine, but after convincing her to tell the truth she finally told me what was wrong.

She explained that she was worried about her mother. She had read something online about abusive relationships and found out that most victims return to their abusers several times before leaving for good.

I asked Miku if Aiko had seen Aiko's husband Kenji. Miku nodded and told me that Aiko gave Kenji some divorce papers. I reassured Miku that things were going to be alright and convinced her to simply enjoy the party.

"I mean, if she wants to get divorced she certainly doesn't want to get back together with him, right?" I asked her.

Miku asked me if she should call the police so they can arrest Kenji. I nodded and told her to relax. Miku smiled for real then as she stepped closer towards me. She put her arms around my shoulders.

When the song ended and was replaced with a faster song, we went to the huge kitchen to have a bite to eat. On top of the marble bench were several boxes of pizza. I ate a slice of margherita pizza while Miku ate some of the meatlovers pizza.

I giggled when I saw Miku gleefully chew on her pizza. She asked me if anything was wrong and I shook my head, suddenly noticing a dob of cheese on her cheek.

Okay, now that I think about it, the thing that I did after that was really embarrassing. You see, Diary, I licked the cheese off her face. Why did I do that? I'm not sure. Maybe I was in pervert mode or something.

Anyway, Miku's face turned an adorable shade of red as she touched her cheek. I instantly apologised after my face began to burn up but Miku simply giggled. She told me that what I did was cute. I'm starting to wonder if Miku even knows the meaning of the word 'cute'.

Neru seemed happy for the first time in ages, not that I've been paying much attention to her emotions. She was talking to someone I didn't recognise. It's nice that she's found someone else to hang out with. Maybe now she'll leave Miku alone.

I take that back. Ugh, am I ever going to get over my jealousy problems? I'm going to have to if I want to stay with Miku.

Iroha managed to sneak a few alcoholic drinks into the house. Miku and I didn't have many, but we had just enough to make us both slightly tipsy. My movements became bigger as I talked to Miku about different things such as singing lessons and a movie I wanted to watch with her.

The movie's called 'Silence'. I know that doesn't sound like the name of a romantic comedy, but it was marketed that way, so I asked Miku if she wanted to see it with me. She nodded and gave me a peck on the lips.

Another thing about Miku that has changed me is her love of romantic comedies. I didn't watch many before I started going out with her but now I'm hooked on the genre. I even started watching some romantic comedies after I broke up with her.

It was hard to know which ones were worth watching without Miku's advice. I should add that to my list of reasons why breaking up with Miku was one of the most stupid ideas despite my intentions, next to licking her cheek and letting my jealousy get the better of me.

I walked out into the backyard with Miku and sat on a swinging chair with her. There weren't many people outside, aside from a few drunken couples.

I asked Miku why she still loves me despite everything. She gave me a big smile and said that she loves how caring I am. She put her hand on my hand and rested her head on my shoulder.

"Things are looking up, aren't they?" she asked in a whisper.

"I guess they are," I replied just as quietly. "It feels so good to relax after everything that's happened."

"I love you."

I smiled and kissed Miku softly on the lips. "I love you two." Miku shivered and kissed me back.

Miku was right. Things are looking up. My personality is improving and my relationship with Miku is getting stronger each minute.

I only hope that the relaxed state I'm in stays for at least a little longer. Before tonight I didn't know what peace felt like. It feels even better than I imagined.

I think you now know, Diary, why tonight was one of the best nights of my life. Yours sincerely,

Luka

PS. I just realised that I actually managed to write one diary entry without using the words 'damn it'. What an achievement.


End file.
